Kejora hati

Its been month i update... so yeah...
I had a long week...n i mean super long... still chasing my mileage...n dammit its like forever lah... hate my company... always last minute plans...mcm sial... mentang2 melayu tingal dua je pat company kite kene bully... racist kadang2 pulak tu.. da lah kene quantine... dapat tahu pulak time nk balek... ade dier kate"salihin u go back now,n take your barang u nid then booking back at 1130... u have to go stand by... but before u go u have to be quantine..." dlm hati aku... ish! memang mintak lah die nie... ape lah nasib... tapi takpe endure je.. lagi 2bulan.... so what the hell... just shoot me...

during this miserable weeks.. i try to do my best... i even try to bring my friends closer.. my intention was to solve the misunderstanding n trust of my friends relationship... but end up i'm the bad guy... aku tkde niat pun nk luka kan hati sape2,disrespect sape2... ataupun ade dendam... aku cume nk sume rapat... kite sume da mcm adek beradek... tkkn aku nk diam je.... somehow i loss my friends trust in me... i really sorry.. i m really m.... suddenly everything flash back... my secondary life was a misery... i lose my pride n respect... but i gain it back... in the wrong way.. i cry... its seem that i m fate to be a aloner...a outcast.. i wanted to be my old self... a street-wise mayhem... but i really love them so much... like someone say... "i don't want any risk that can ruin this relationship....." i feel so guilty.... *sob*sob* i can't face them... i just don't noe why... but i promise them i will soon...

its been more than a month i meet love...i feel so bad cause she always want to meet me.. i sorry i make u cry... i don't meant it... its was my other self....but for now.. i hope u understand i have some personal things to do...i pay back the time i owe u... i promise.... thanks for understanding...
i meet you soon...

the weeks make me really reflect myself... its eating me inside... things that no one noes... even love... i just can bare to hurt nobody... i regret for what i did in the past n didn't did... now i only blame myself for it... i'm crying inside while smiling on the outside... never ever play with feelings... end up u eating yourself.... n i have goals... but its seem to fade away.. the talent i have just crumple.... the fame i suppose to have gone to someone else...

Now i off till 27...n i have noe idea what the hack i gonna do... i guess back to the old days... wander ard alone again... sit at the playground at nite... stare in the darkness.... i noe i can't drink but i so sorry.. i nid its tat times....n yes i trying to quit smoking... but first i nid to quit eating so much... get back in tip-top shape... i noe love gonna drop dead if i will...:P but love please don't get upset if u read this post... tat one of the reason why i tk update my blog.. eventually i will hurt u if u read what i wrote... but this is me.. i'm still akiz inside...

p.s i never in my life have the intention to hurt those who i called family... trust me...

this is what i wrote during my time....

pertama kali,hatiku terhenti
tidakku tahu apa ertinya
tidakku terkata bila ia disisi
hanya senyuman yg dapat ku beri

setiap hari akan ku menunggu
kelihatnya berubah hariku
bagaimana harus ku buat
hanya sepi dapat kuberi
inilah kisah cinta pertamaku....

I wrote more but... its just for me to noe...